1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on
the toilet UP when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to
include something from each of the four major male food groups:
Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many ofhe
fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all
men are cretins deserving your contempt.
5. Shopping is not fascinating.
6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend,
he is only joking.
7. Unless the answer is yes.
8. In which case, can he videotape it?
9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking
assholes.
10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a
stick and/or tending the grill.
11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from
across the room is not funny.
12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble
(i.e., Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met
with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon
their infant when it walks for the first time.
14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept
it.
15. He heard you the first time.
16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the
rejection around a little.
17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't
really want the answer to.
18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
20. Dogs good. Cats bad.
21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
22. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to
sit through "Showgirls".
23. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by
suggesting he stop for directions.
25. He was not looking at that other girl.
26. Well, okay... maybe a little.
27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you
never looked at another guy...
28. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful
man you have ever met.
29. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
30. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs
look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop
asking.
31. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an
orgasm.
32. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your
menstrual flow with him.
33. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo
if left in the shower.
34. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells
fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you
intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this
manner.
35. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier
than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better
looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating
any of these people, love the one you're with.
36. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
37. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer
gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash) is cute.
38. Don't hog the covers.
39. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please
wait until the halftime show to act upon that...
40. He does not want to be just friends.
41. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the
sentence:
"You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and
stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
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