Actual Bumper Stickers!!!

* The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

* If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.

* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

* Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.

* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

* Born free... taxed to death.

* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.

* There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

* BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

* I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

* So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

* Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.

* Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

* I need someone really bad... are you really bad?

* If, a two letter word for futility

* I don't care, I don't have to.

* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

* To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

* Horn broken, watch for finger.

* All men are idiots ... I married their king.

* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

* My kid had sex with your honor student.

* Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.

* Give pizza chants.

* Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.

* This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

* How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!

* If something goes without saying, LET IT!

* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

* Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply

* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

* IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

* Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole.

* Life's a buffet... so eat me!

* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

* Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.

* I love cats ... dead ones

* I love cats ... they taste just like chicken

* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

* Keep honking, I'm reloading.

* Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.

* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

* Spotted owl taste just like chicken.

* Hang up and drive.

* Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

* Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.

* I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

* WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

* Tow-ers will be violated

* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

* Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

* Lord save me from your followers.

* Meat is yummy!

* Mean people rule!

* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

* Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

* Born again pagan.

* God must love stupid people, he made so many.

* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

* So many recipes, so few cats.

* Cats... the other white meat.

* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

* There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart.

* Save a mouse... Eat pussy!

* P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tasty Animals

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

* Wink, I'll do the rest!

* Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

* When there's a will, I want to be in it!

* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

* I love animals...they're delicious.

* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

* Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

* Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling to good myself.

* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

* A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

* Beam me up Scotty, there are no virgins left.

* Beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks!

* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

* I souport publik edekasion

* hoket on foniks werked fur me

* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

* 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

* I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

* I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.