The following letters are taken from an incident between a London hotel and one of it's guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap
in my bathroom since I have bought my own bath-sized
Dial. Please remove the six little bars from the shelf
under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They
are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. The leaves
only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is
to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you
had added 3 little Camay's to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am
going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camay's which are on the
shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove
them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wednesday, do the relief left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way
on the shelf, and put them in the soap dish where you r Dial was. I put the
Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for
all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last
Monday. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr, Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I
have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies
for any past inconveniences. If you have any further complaints, please
contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108
between 8 AM and 5 PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible for me to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:$5 Am and don't get back before 5:30 or 6:00 PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only
asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of
soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet
along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath room shelf. In just 5
days here, I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing
this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call
the Bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our Housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the
inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who in the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have
54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give
me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
personally returned them, the 24 Camays which had been taken, and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4
Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned
your soaps, so she brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know
where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial, but I was able to
locate some bath-size Ivory, which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As
of today, I possess:
-On the shelf under the medicine cabinet, 18 Camays in 4 stacks of 4, and 1
stack of 2.
-On the Kleenex dispenser, 11 Camays in 2 stacks of 4, and 1 stack of 2.
-On the bedroom dresser, 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquets, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camays in 2 stacks of 4.
-Inside the medicine cabinet, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4, and 1 stack of 2.
-In the shower soap dish, 6 Camays, very moist.
-On the Northeast corner of tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
-On the Northwest coerner of the tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted, Also please advise her that stacks of more than 4
have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in
use, and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am
keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman