Actual Bumper Stickers!!!
* The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
* If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
* Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
* Born free... taxed to death.
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
* There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
* BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
* I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
* So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
* Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.
* Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
* I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
* If, a two letter word for futility
* I don't care, I don't have to.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
* Horn broken, watch for finger.
* All men are idiots ... I married their king.
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
* My kid had sex with your honor student.
* Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.
* Give pizza chants.
* Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.
* This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.
* How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!
* If something goes without saying, LET IT!
* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
* Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply
* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
* IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.
* Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole.
* Life's a buffet... so eat me!
* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
* Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.
* I love cats ... dead ones
* I love cats ... they taste just like chicken
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Keep honking, I'm reloading.
* Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
* Spotted owl taste just like chicken.
* Hang up and drive.
* Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.
* I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
* WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
* Tow-ers will be violated
* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
* Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
* Lord save me from your followers.
* Meat is yummy!
* Mean people rule!
* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
* Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
* Born again pagan.
* God must love stupid people, he made so many.
* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
* So many recipes, so few cats.
* Cats... the other white meat.
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
* There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart.
* Save a mouse... Eat pussy!
* P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tasty Animals
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
* Wink, I'll do the rest!
* Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* When there's a will, I want to be in it!
* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
* I love animals...they're delicious.
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
* Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
* Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling to good myself.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
* Beam me up Scotty, there are no virgins left.
* Beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks!
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
* I souport publik edekasion
* hoket on foniks werked fur me
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
* I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
* I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.